I recently decided to invest my very little time into another fucking hobby, 'cause apparently I don't have enough. (Another thing to fill up my time to avoid the existential DREAD. AMIRITE?!) I legit don't even watch Netflix anymore. WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME. So now I spend most of my time spinning in circles… Continue reading Things I Learned This Week
For real though, Christmas is truly my favourite holiday. And I really can't get down with the give-me-xanax-cause-my-family-has-unresolved-issues-that-come-out-when-we-all-get-together-and-drink bullshit. (So don't even start with me, Linda.) It's a great time where everyone is happy (or forcing themselves to be) and everything is adorned with twinkly lights and magic is EVERYWHERE. If I could, I'd put… Continue reading Christmas is the Best … Usually.
We moved last weekend, and due to a lying, thieving internet service provider, we were without internet for the first week we lived here. Which actually wasn't THAT bad because we spent time unpacking instead of power bingeing Netflix. Regardless, moving is pretty much the worst. What a great way to be confronted with the… Continue reading Moving is the Worst.
If I could go back in time and wag my very judge-y finger in my woefully, unprepared face, I would have. Unfortunately for me, I was just arrogant enough (and also the right amount of drunk) to think that I could handle the impending 18 hours that come alongside an entire tab of acid. Unfortunate,… Continue reading One Time I Took a Tab of Acid and Turned Into the Most Primal Version of Myself
I have a deep, dark, and shameful secret. It's one that I don't tell just anyone. But, I know I have a problem, and the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I. Love. The Twilight Movies. (Queue women dropping dish-ware everywhere.) I know. I know. If you want to forever un-subscribe… Continue reading A Dark and Terrible Secret
Hello again. I'm experiencing another week of nothing specific that I want to write about. I mean, I can write a bunch of bullshit like I did last week, but is it really worth your time? That could be said about most of my blog posts ... I suppose. Here's an update from our household:… Continue reading Chicken Noodle Soup and Enemas
The creative process is hard, and I feel like everyone talks about it like it's this elusive, sexy, ever-evolving, ah-MAZE-ing thing that creative thinkers and doers are happy to be at the mercy of. They all guffaw at how sometimes she's a pesky bitch and how they have to coax her out of her shell,… Continue reading Fruit Flies are the Young, Gay Twinks of the Bug World
The relationship I have with my mother is an incredibly close one. So close in fact, that it often makes people noticeably squirmy the first time they have to endure a conversation with us. These conversations usually end up disintegrating into topics of butt hole bleaching and how to not fall off when you're on… Continue reading Like Mother, Like Daughter. Unfortunately.
At a certain age, you start to feel mildly guilty about treating your body like a human trash can because all your douche-y friends are buying juicers and gym memberships. These people move upwards and onwards, getting married or being productive members of society; they astutely realize earlier than most, that white people* don't age well… Continue reading Your Body is Not a Garbage Can
I fondly look back on the days when I was a teenager, full of unwavering angst. (MOM DO YOU LOOK BACK ON THEM WITH FONDNESS TOO?) I knew absolutely everything and fuck your face if you tried to tell me otherwise. To be expected, I've grown, and while I'll still get up in your face… Continue reading Adult Realizations